i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
