You made me cry and you don't even care
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
