i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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