Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
