When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
