he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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