I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
