the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
