I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
