It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize