i permit you to call me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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