I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize