Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
no you cant smoke seaweed
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
