the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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