just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
