Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
