So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
