Welp...herpes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
