This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
