Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
