I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
only i would get off to receiving death threats online