I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
