Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"

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  (704): Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?" http://tfl.nu/740o
  Replies (9) Good night (2034) Bad night (711)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?

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  (312): Is it possible to jerk off a nipple? http://tfl.nu/fsvj
  Replies (9) Good night (914) Bad night (2770)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I'm going to rape someone's good day.

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  (253): I'm going to rape someone's good day. http://tfl.nu/to10
  Replies (14) Good night (3817) Bad night (1306)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!

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  (203): walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!! http://tfl.nu/de92
  Replies (33) Good night (875) Bad night (5538)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?

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  (250): is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste? http://tfl.nu/l5cc
  Replies (35) Good night (5063) Bad night (2291)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.

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  (405): I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny. http://tfl.nu/uleh
  Replies (30) Good night (5778) Bad night (1201)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end

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  (+27): we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end http://tfl.nu/vfas
  Replies (10) Good night (6456) Bad night (1266)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.

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  (620): And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life. http://tfl.nu/jjq6
  Replies (15) Good night (2007) Bad night (706)
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  (619): View more from California

  How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?

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  (619): How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup? http://tfl.nu/tdw6
  Replies (13) Good night (1867) Bad night (625)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.

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  (616): Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing. http://tfl.nu/tiqf
  Replies (2) Good night (1324) Bad night (503)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver

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  (208): Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver http://tfl.nu/xi4h
  Replies (7) Good night (1032) Bad night (518)
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  (714): View more from California

  Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.

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  (714): Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday. http://tfl.nu/bnh5
  Replies (1) Good night (1415) Bad night (332)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.

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  (647): btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns. http://tfl.nu/3mk5
  Replies (5) Good night (730) Bad night (297)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.

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  (678): He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever. http://tfl.nu/2bus
  Replies (3) Good night (725) Bad night (342)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.

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  (520): So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have. http://tfl.nu/rbrl
  Replies (3) Good night (352) Bad night (427)

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