Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
