Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
