So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately