That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
