Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.