Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?