So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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