my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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