she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
