I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
