I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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