Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
