Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
