it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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