guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
