My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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