i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
