tell your sister to shave her snatch
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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