i think i have two assholes
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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