I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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