K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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