Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
