You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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