tell your sister to shave her snatch
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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