So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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