yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
