i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i've created a new STD.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
