Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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