yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
