brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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