i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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