Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
