are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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