fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
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