His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
God, I missed his penis.
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