On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
