Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
