dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
