there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
