Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
