I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
