I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
