i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
