like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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