he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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