Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
