Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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