if i can run in heels then i can drive
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
