you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
