Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
vagina is talking i cant
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
