I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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