my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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