Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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