She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Someone came in the potted fern
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
