i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Floor bacon is actually really good
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
