Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
