so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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