I cannot find my penis.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My liver just had a heart attack.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
