How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
