Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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