Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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