You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Randomize
