all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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