Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
