paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
